NauseousPancakes on Xanga

College came to an end so quickly. I can't believe how fast these past four years have flown by...they have been some of the best. Cliche as this sounds...freshman year really does feel as if it were yesterday. I'm excited for what's coming next, but I envy the freshman too. Freshman year was sooo awesome! I miss going to subway every sunday because we always woke up too late for DC. Random, late night runs to old tea house. Partying Thursday through Saturday. FAT study groups @ infill and not getting anything done. Falling asleep in the Bixby study lounge in an attempt at an all nighter. The "sorrento" boys (haha). The "haunted" elevators. Getting written up for being drunk in the dorm hall while we were dragging Kira's matress across the hall. Jello shots @ 10am. ahh so much I miss. For the first time in 3 yrs, all of us went the DC & ate together last night and then we went to Bixby afterwards. We took pictures in the same places and w/the same poses as we did 3 yrs ago when we moved out of Bixby & it put me in a really sentimental mood. I cried when we moved out of the dorms and that was only goodbye for a summer. But the goodbyes coming up...they are so much more extended.

I don't want to end things like this. I mean everything is okay...we talk again and are on friendly terms. Yet it hurts me if things end like this. I don't know exactly what I want, but I know it's more than this. I keep picturing myself as an old lady and radomly running into each other and becoming good friends again and then asking myself "Why were we not friends the past 40 or so years? How did we let things get in the way?" That probably sounds really dumb, and even dumber because most likely I am the only one that feels this way, but it's what I think about. I don't want this to be the last time I ever talk to you or see you again, even though that may be what's best. The logical thing to do would be to initiate something and hang out...but I always hold back. I'm worried that if I make stronger efforts to be better friends, it'll be rejected. And the other part is that I'd be trying to reach out to someone who really hurt me. As a friend told me "you've been given every reason to stay away," and I probably have been. So, it doesn't make sense to me. But, I guess not everything is supposed to...
this sucks

I think I'm too nice. I don't get mad or annoyed very often and I never yell at people; I feel like all I do is sit there and smile. And when I am angry, I try not to let it show and I usually don't say anything about it. I'm not confrontational at all. Not that I want to be angry and mean all the time, but I think it's abnormal to be the way that I am. There's that line that nice guys finish last, well nice girls seem to finish last too. I was talking about this w/Inga and Alicia and we came up with alot of situations where this was the case. It makes it too easy for people to take advantage. I want to work on this...not neccessarily on being more mean, but just not allowing people to walk all over me.

Yesterday in lab this guy and I were trying to rotate a prosection of someone's gluteal/pelvic area (pretty much his ass...or at least I think I saw that it was a he?) so that we could trace the sciatic nerve back to the posterior side. But his ass was huge...and really heavy to shift around and the guy accidentally let go of the side he was holding and on reflex I tried to catch it with my other hand. Except I was only wearing a glove on one hand and I forgot about that...so I have residues of a dead person's ass juices on my hand. Nice huh?!!